gues its been a real long time since i've blogged=) arent ya guys happy to see me!haha.i am back at e speed of light.alrite.enuff of such crap.i am getting lame u see..haha..i tink i haf really gained a lot from the first 3 mths rite.i know its neber academically..cox i can remember which tutorial i stopped for maths.god.TUTORIAL 2.i din even bother to copy onwards.i am screewed..initially i was tinking of poly all e while..when my frens tot me profusely that i wil never choose to go to a poly cox of my good grades ( 10 in prelims,i suppose they called it god ) i told them i wil be going to a poly no matter what.i wanna pursue a directing dream rite..i want to be a director , i want to be an dj , or rather i wantt to be an actor.i love all this.i love performing.but again i tot for a moment,i am not darling enuff,i am not confident enuff ,in front of a crowd , in front of so many ppl.i dun dare.dun dare to let go of my usual self and perform without restrictions,perform as if noone is looking at me.i carn take acting.i carn enter drama..and one day after i went for drama audition,i QUIT.i carn.i dun blive how ppl managed to act so boldly,so confidently in front of so many eyes.i just carn do it.alrite,my family opposes me to do filming and stuff.its just unrealistic.everyone tells me so.its SO SO SO unrealistic.dream on,its just a dream.take buusiness and stuff.can help e family wf the own business..i like business but i supoose i love filming more..u go to poly,but ya dun take filming..forget it.i wil not want to go to a poly if i were not given a chance to take filming or mass.com...i wld rather go to a jc and study business.at least i dun get separated from my frens.my life.my basketball.ok.now i landed up back in aj,tinking that i wil doing my best for a-level and doing business in university..ok.i wil be mugging like hell.i wil be losing all my freedom.all my creativity.i guess i haf been blessed wf a creative mind.but guess that no more scriptwriting and stuff is for me.i wrote 2 scripts.one movie script in the process.but i let go writing since 2 mths ago.i lost e passion.just like the passion i haf for basketball.i am out of e team.i am not selected..i am just feeling miserable.argx!if i haf not told the teacher in charge 3 mths ago,i am leaving for poly.i guess he wil train me in e team rite.it doesnt feel good when i go for trainings and i dun get to play at all.he doesnt even want me.whu cares.i skipped all e trg,hopping i can train beta alone.guess that tot did not hold on for long.soon i skipped training,using the time to play play and play everything except ball.when i was videoing recording for e team,instead of playing for e team on e court.sweating it out.i feel that i am lost alredy.i duno where i can find the real me.when can i find back e old me.the one who s putting every soul into basketball,playing and striving hard to win e game.i no longer was thirsty for victory,i wasnt confident enuff to play ball anymore.stronger challengeers always come,and again,i lost e confidence to play wf them..cox i tink that they make e difference not me.i like to shine.i bet everyone does.take that shot.wad r ya afraid of.ppl tell me all the time.but i insisted in passing the ball to someone.maybe not becox i was creating chance for everyone to play e game better.instead i was hoping that someone else wil take the ball and score.and even if he doesnt.the fault lies in him.i dun get any fault for passing.but instead if i wil go for e basket myself.i wil have a probability of being reprimanded by mates or teachers for not making the wisest choice.u wil nebver know how it feels to play in e team when u are not needed.sumtimes i just admire ppl who plays solo all by themselves.they get scolded by frens for being solo,but at least within them,they haf e urge and thirst to win.at least win all by themselves.i dun even haf e courage to do all that.SO disaapoointing it is.
